relapse

relapse does not erase your success. this is what i have to keep repeating to myself.

the past few months have been very difficult for me and my depression and anxiety have been at an all time high. i took on too much; 5 classes, 3-4 days of work, and being on exec for Jack.org at UPEI took a toll.

the last time i felt this bad, i attempted suicide. this scared the shit out of me, thus the anxiety. this past year has been one of the best of my life and i owe that to the people i surrounded myself with and myself, for learning to open up and go easy on myself.

the difference between now and 2016, is that i love myself now. i know that i am enough. i love life. there is so much left to happen in my life, and i feel excited!

but depression doesn’t care. depression will take your stress and amplify to a point that everything is so overwhelming. i knew i didn’t want it to get to a point where i felt trapped again, so i made sure to get myself help. i dropped 2 classes and quit work, and these alone calmed me immensely. on top of this, i started therapy again and adjusted my medication. the key for me is to get everything out of my head and bounce it off a therapist. talking helps sooooo much.

although some days i wake up with an anxious stomach and need to cry, i accept the feelings and let them flow, then tell myself i am going to have a good day. take things day by day (hour by hour if you need to!). i got through this shitstorm once and i’ll do it again, goddammit! i am going to come out of this stronger and better than ever and i am excited for that. the silver-lining to this bump in the road is that i realize how well i was doing beforehand, and i know i can get to that place again.

relapse does not replace your success. things in life will go wrong, but looking for the positivity in situations can help. i deserve to be happy. everyone deserves happiness, even though it may not feel like it. everyone is stronger than they realize.

“your healing is about you. it doesn’t need a stamp of approval. don’t worry about how long it takes or how ugly it may seem. it’s about you.”

Resources

24 hour province wide bilingual service crisis line for PEI: 1-800-218-2885
Kids help phone: 1-800-668-6868
This is the Canadian Mental Health Association’s website with more ways to help
Kids Help Phone now has a crisis text line! Text CONNECT to 686868

this is a fight you can win.

-courtney